Oh no. It’s happened. You’ve gone and done the unthinkable. The one social faux pas that is sure to follow you around until the end of days. You knew that extra-large bean burrito was a bad idea.
HOW TO UNCLOG A TOILET AT A FRIEND’S HOUSE
Right now you’re in freak out mode. You’re probably desperately searching the internet on your phone for guidance on how to handle this mortifying situation. What do you do? Do you pretend like it never happened? Blame it on the dog? Jump out the window, go home, change your identity and move to a foreign country?
You need to remedy this situation and fast before your absence is noted and everyone is wondering why you spent half an hour in the bathroom.
Don’t panic. If you’ve unleashed a load that just can’t be flushed, follow these steps to save you, and your host, from an awkward situation.
STEP 1. DON’T TRY TO FLUSH AWAY YOUR DISGRACE
You know it’s clogged, so don’t keep flushing. Continuously flushing while praying for your embarrassment to disappear won’t save you in this situation. Flushing a clogged toilet will only further the damage your unreliable bowels have already caused. Clogging a toilet is embarrassing enough without also flooding the floor with nasty toilet water and, um, well, whatever else was in there… After the initial try, stop. You can’t flush away your disgrace and you won’t want to risk overflowing the bowl.
STEP 2. THE HOLY PLUNGER
Now in most bathrooms, there should be a plunger. Look around the toilet or under the sink for one. This is your safest bet when dealing with a clogged toilet.
Locate your new best friend, and get to work disposing of the evidence. You should be able to fix the problem quickly and discreetly, returning before anyone learns of your disgusting deeds.
The trouble is, for some reason, some people don’t keep their plungers in the bathroom because they are “unclean”. If you can’t find the plunger anywhere, it might be a good idea to shoot the host a text and ask for their assistance in locating the plunger. They will be so impressed with your honesty, chances are they won’t mock you… too much.
STEP 3. COME CLEAN IF YOU CAN’T UNCLOG A TOILET
Hiding your shame may seem like the best option, but trust us, people will figure it out. You might expect to sneak out with no one noticing, but if even one person is waiting to use the bathroom, they will know you were the culprit.
If you cannot fix the issue yourself, come clean to the host of the party, as their toilet may require some professional help (in which case, what did you eat?).
Telling the truth will always make you feel better and take the weight of the hidden secret off your chest. Your host might have even had a similar experience, and help you hide your secret out of empathy. Just remember everybody poops, and those who pretend they don’t are usually filled with the most of it.